Wedding Speech for Ali and Scott

My daughter Ali got married two months ago on November 19, 2022 in Santa Cruz, CA.  Eileen and I walked Ali down the aisle together, and again, we opted to do the same for the wedding speech.

This time around, we wrote together, and that was a fun adventure for us both.  We had the script mostly done before we headed out for the drive from Massachusetts to California, but did most of our practicing once we got to the west coast.  Then more at the venue site, The Chaminade Resort & Spa.

Here's the speech as written - Eileen in bold and me in plain text.

* * * * *

Eileen: Hello everyone
Mike: and welcome.

When our kids were growing up, we tried to have family dinner every night. We chatted about our day, our plans for the next day, or just the neighborhood news, and there was often singing.  

Sometimes there were games like ‘statue’ where everyone froze as Mike walked in the door from work.  He had to guess what the heck we were all doing.

One game that Ali invented was “Let’s go around the table and have everyone say something good about Ali”  

I’ll start!  Those eyes - a neighbor described them as “smiling!”  As for her physical skills - can anyone say, “dyno-lip?”  

(Eileen and Mike both attempt dyno-lip?

And game playing!  She’s the only one in our family, I daresay the only one in this room, that has ever gotten a perfect 29 in Cribbage.  

Though there was that unfortunate time playing Pictionary…

Legaphone! Legaphone!!!

And, of course, there’s her wit.  She is one funny gal.  A teacher in elementary school told me that she should be a stand-up comedian!

And nobody has a more joyous and infectious laugh, or a louder one.  You always know when something funny is happening if Ali is around.

She knows every lyric to every song on every kid tape we played on every car trip we ever took, and knows them in order! 

We can count on a greeting card in the mail on every occasion, always with a very thoughtful note inside.  Ali, I’ve saved them all!

She’s considerate, thoughtful, smart, hard working, brave, artistic, can dance up a storm… 

(interrupting) We could do this for hours, but Ali and Scott do have us on a schedule, so…

Hey!  Let’s switch over to the “Go around the table and have everyone say something good about Scott” game.

Capital idea!  Scott, you are a delight.  Not surprising since your parents, like all hip, happening, intelligent, wise and good looking parents first met at Cornell.

I’ll start with the obvious.  Those eyes!  Bradley Cooper wishes he had those eyes!

And, dare we say it.  You are a funny guy - remember your first text to us when you were added - and welcomed with open arms and love - to our family group chat, and I quote “New phone, who dis?”

You’re confident, so comfortable in your own skin.

You felt like a old friend from the first time we met, and you navigated the chaos that is Fam Jam with ease

We know you ski, you like to run, hike and play frisbee and you can do a cartwheel… Can you do a dyno-lip, too?  

Yikes, That would be freaky….

During the early days of the pandemic, Ali was working 100% remotely, so she came east to spend time with the fam.  We enjoyed having her closer and she even thought hard about moving back for good, … until late fall when the weather started getting colder. 

She was single and everyone was still cautious about mingling.  The thought of a long, gloomy, cold, east coast winter and trying to date during a pandemic in that long, gloomy, cold east coast winter sent her flying back to California. 

It was not long after that she called, excited about a zoom date.   They talked for three hours!   The next zoom date was even longer.  They soon started meeting in person and the rest, as they say,  is history.

Now typically, Ali is cautious.  She is so so smart, and so very analytical, and likes to weigh all options and examine all scenarios before committing to a path of action.

She processes out loud, too,  so we sometimes know when she is wrestling with a hard decision. 

And her history through all those decisions, is that she strives to make the best choice, even if that path is difficult.

Happily, this decision about who to marry was an easy one.

Nice work Scott!  [give thumbs up sign]

For years, we used to vacation on Lake Nicatous in the wilds of northern Maine. No electricity, no cell service, just some rustic cabins on a pristine lake.  We did a lot of swimming, picked a ton of blueberries, and played a lot of games.  We also did a lot of reading.  

One night, I had just finished “The Magician’s Assistant” by Ann Patchett.  I was just so taken by that work, and I said, “now that was a “beautiful” book.  Ali’s ears perked up, and she asked if she could read it.  And she did, and she thought that it deserved to be called beautiful as well.  Since then, it’s become a thing we share, and we’ve passed on to each other many more “beautiful” books.  It’s a high bar.

A lot of wedding speeches might include the metaphor of marriage as a new chapter in the book of life.  We disagree.  Getting married isn’t a new chapter in the book of life.  It is more important than that.  It is a profound event.  

If I were Richard Dryfus and I had a mound of mashed potatoes in front of me, I would sculpt it into Devil’s Tower and proclaim, “This is important!  This means something!”  

A wedding is the start of a whole new book.  It’s no longer, “I” am living “my” life, it’s “we” are living “our” life.   

Ali & Scott are starting their book, their new life together.  I believe it will be truly “beautiful.”

[Together in unison]

Here's to Ali and Scott.  May you count your blessings every day that you have found each other.  We love you both, and we wish you a wonderful life together.

Here's a recording.   Once again, dear friend Ross caught the moment on his iPhone.

Wedding Speech

Wedding Speech for Erica & Spencer

My daughter Erica got married one month ago on September 17, 2022. Typically, as father of the bride, it would be my responsibility to give the first speech of the evening. Eileen and I walked Erica down the aisle together, though, so we decided to do the same for the wedding speech.

It actually made it more fun - both in writing (we each wrote separately, then spliced our words together), and in performance (so much easier sharing the stage.)  We shared a draft with Leslie and Ali, and they gave us the OK with just a few edits. We practiced aloud many many times, especially on the drive to Philly, then in our hotel, and again on the day of in the hallways of the Bok Building where the wedding took place.

Here's the speech as written - Eileen in bold and me in plain text

* * * * *

Eileen: Hello everyone
Mike: and welcome.

I’d like to start with a trip in the way-back machine, to visit 1999, 10 days before Erica’s 10 year old birthday. It was the first season of “Who wants to be a millionaire” and the first person to win the million, John Carpenter, had breezed through the first 14 questions, and on the last, the million dollar question, he used one of his lifelines, his “phone-a-friend”, to call his dad. Of course, he already knew the answer. He just wanted to share the moment with his Dad. Well, …. tonight, I’m that dad.

Every parent should have an Erica. She was our third daughter and was quieter than her big sisters but always interested in what was going on, easily amused and willing to go along with whatever. She was a kid who never got into trouble. It was a shock when Erica was contrary or misbehaved, so much so that we can tell you every time that happened. There was the time we were in the car coming back from an adventure, and we were trying to decide…

Mike: Eileen???, maybe now’s not the time?
Eileen: Honestly, she pretty much raised herself.

Erica has always been one to trust her smarts and her instincts. She tends not to ask for assistance. Eileen and I have gotten emergency phone calls from all our children, multiple emergency calls, well, from all except Erica. The joke in the family is that we find out about her life choices, where to live, where to work,… after, often, sometimes well after, those choices are decided. But, ….. if we were grading, …. and though we are loath to admit it, sometimes parents do grade, she’s done really really well. Especially now, with this, to my mind, her most important choice.

Erica has never been one to toot her own horn although she is one smart cookie and has many talents, including in music. She had a piano teacher who told us that she was a good singer and recommended voice lessons. We knew she could carry a tune from some of family dinner spontaneous sing alongs,

Mike: (singing) “Can you feel the love…”
Eileen: [giving Mike a death stare]
Mike: (cowed) “tonight??”

We signed her up for voice lessons, and off she went every week. I should mention here that Erica always waited until everyone was out of the house before practicing her music. At the end of the year voice recital, our quiet, little Erica took the stage and belted out “I’ve got the World on a String” with a confidence and style that astounded us both. She was so good. It brought tears to our eyes. Who knew!


Spencer, welcome, now legally, to the family. Truth be told, you’ve already been a member for a long time now. And welcome to Spencer’s family, too. It’s so good to have you all here to finally meet, and to share in this celebration.

Spencer, It has been a pleasure getting to know you. You are a joy, with a wealth of knowledge on all kinds of topics. Your cooking skills and art skills are quite intimidating. We love when you feed us, though, so please keep it up.

At our most recent Fam Jam at Leslie’s and Rob’s place in Maine, I had the pleasure of watching from afar as Spencer prepared a side of asparagus. It wasn’t the main course, and he wasn’t looking for attention. (And I won’t do this justice, but…) He cooked the asparagus in a shallow pan, drained the liquid, took it off the heat, added some stuff to the liquid, then poured that back in the pan, returned everything to the heat, and sautéed that for a bit more while seasoning to taste. It was a busy kitchen, and I doubt anyone else was watching, but I was, and I was just so impressed by his skill and moved by his care.

And, as for your art skills. We’ve played a lot of Drawful with Erica and Spencer. For those who don’t know, this is an online game that gives each person something silly to draw, with your finger, on your phone or iPad. When we play, it’s mostly Spencer being Drawful, and Mike and I being Awful. Though, I must say, we do love playing games with you, and are thankful that you are so patient when you teach these boomers a new game.

Even more important to me than you being a quality human is that I’ve seen how loving and devoted you are to Erica.

I think that Erica knows who Spencer is, and Spencer knows who Erica is, and they’re both good and happy with that. Even more, they’re proud of each other, happy to let the other shine. And it’s that acceptance of each other, as-is, that is so key. It’s the grease that will keep the gears of a marriage running smoothly.

Oh sure, there will be some refining of your personalities as you grow old together, maybe even some personal epiphanies to propel you forward, maybe even some attempts at spouse-training [looks at Mike, Mike shrugs]…

But when you start with a strong stable base, when you love each other for who they are, … and maybe despite who they aren’t, then you’re well prepared for whatever stresses life tosses you. I think, then, you’ve got something. Something truly special.


[Together in unison]
Here's to Erica and Spencer. May you count your blessings every day that you have found each other. We love you both, and we wish you a wonderful life together.

Here's a recording.   Once again, dear friend Ross caught the moment on his iPhone.

Wedding Speech

Wedding Speech

My daughter Leslie got married exactly one month ago on New Years Eve, and as father of the bride, it was my responsibility to give the first speech of the evening.

As I had written in an earlier draft, Those of you who know me know that I am an introvert and not a practiced public speaker. My family complains that I mumble and speak too softly and they can never understand me, so part of me has been dreading this part of the evening. I also have a bit of OCD, so I've been obsessing about it, too. It’s not a pretty combination.

As daughter Ali suggested, I had practiced aloud many many times, and by the day of the wedding, I was feeling pretty OK, but all during that day, and especially during the dinner, I fretted. I was wearing a tuxedo, though, and it must have given me strength because when I was handed the microphone, all my insecurities fled.

Here's the speech as written.

Hello everyone and welcome.  Thank you all for coming here to share in this celebration.

First of all, a big "Thank You" to Kathy and Tom for throwing such a wonderful party last night. 

When Eileen and I got married, the wedding party – all 4 of them: Dee, Ita, Ira and friend Bill - and immediate family went out for pizza at Mama Brava's in New Paltz. Times certainly have changed....but that's not what I want to talk about. 

Rob suggested talking about how amazing it is that Leslie is our daughter.  We’re quiet, modest, some would say, frugal people. And Leslie is LESLIE!!! Quiet? Modest? Frugal!?!?!? But I'm not going to talk about that, either. 

I am the father of 4 wonderful daughters, and I love being the father of daughters, but now my eldest daughter has brought me a son. So I remembered back to when another eldest daughter brought home her guy. It was Thanksgiving, 1977, and I took my first trip to Tillson to meet "The Parents". As a Horowitz going to meet the Mullarkeys, I was worried that my “ethnicity” might be a bit of a shock to Kate and Mike, grandma and poppy, but they welcomed me with open arms, and warmth and grace, and have been nothing but kind and good to me for now over 35 years. I am so thankful to them for that, and I hope that Eileen and I can be as warm, and as loving, and as accepting, and as generous, and as helpful to Rob, as Kate and Mike were to me. (Hey, Rob, can I get you a beer?) 

Like Rob and Leslie, Eileen and I lived together for a few years before we got married, and so the co-habitation part of marriage was less a shock to the system. But I remember how life was somehow different, deeper. We had just made a lifelong commitment to each other. This was something important - this means something! And it just felt right. I hope Leslie and Rob feel that, too….but that’s not what I want to talk about.

Eileen and I have always viewed each other as equals in our marriage, and I thought I might talk about that - how marriage should be a partnership of equals - that while you need to take care of yourself, you also need to take care of your partner. To make a marriage work, you need to do things that are important to your spouse even if they wouldn't be a choice you would make. And vice-versa. And you can’t keep score. And that's really important...but there’s more.

We had heard about Rob before we met him. There had been a bit of buzz. When we did meet him, in our kitchen, he did seem like one heckuva guy, but the one thing that was immediately obvious to me had nothing really to do with Rob, but everything to do with Leslie. She was just so comfortable with him. Leslie was Leslie. She was feisty and bawdy and opinionated and loud, and she was happy, too. She was in love. And that's what I wanted to talk about. Love. 

Love is everything. Let it guide all your decisions. May you count your blessings every day that you have found each other. Here's to Leslie and Rob. I love you both, and I wish you a wonderful life together. 


Here's a recording.   Friend Ross caught most of the action on his new iPhone.

Wedding Speech

Guest Post - Ross from St. Paul MN

Ross from St. Paul, friend of almost 30 years and the the object of my baseball posts, sent me this email hours after the Patriots lost in Super Bowl XLVI. Enjoy!

* * *

Hey,
We've been cleaning out my parents' house and coming across dee dads and gee gaws they have saved over all these years and found -- wait, Mike, don't interrupt me here please -- an envelope with pictures of Eileen and my graduation from PA school and then, if I recall right, a party in your back yard.

--dammit, Mike, I'm trying to talk to you here and you keep trying to tell me about some stupid football game?! -- So, anyways there's a pic of you and Eileen on the cement bench in your back yard, and you two look....so, um....young. You're looking over, I think, at a card she is holding and you just have this archetypical Mike look of happiness and love on your face. Maybe I'll send it to you. Or scan it! (I learned how!).

No snow to speak of here and temps 10-15 deg. above normal for us--- Mike, you're weeping. Jeeze, it's just a stoopeed football game. Buck up, man.

Oh, who am I kidding? I worked til 5:30 yesterday, then sped home and tuned in. Both QB's looked sharp. Amazing how they zoom these passes into tight spots so precisely. Close knit play. Ahead of time I wasn't too psyched by Madonna, and then she put on a crazy spectacle. I was likening it to Busby Berkeley (sp) Hollywood extravaganzas from the 1930's. The commentators are saying at half the the game will go down to the last possession.

Third quarter starts. WTF?! I am not being allowed to watch the game in "MY HOUSE!" because Downton Abbey is on for Anne and Nick. Off I go 1.5 blocks south and .5 blocks west to Plums bar. I'm thinking the place will be packed and rocking. (A year ago Karl and Pete and I had a gas in a Sconnie bar watching the Pack win with a bunch of Packer backers). As I walk by the window it looks like it is closed. I see two guys by the window with Vikings jerseys on and that's it. I walk in and I am the 7th person in this fairly huge bar. This is good for a social introvert as I get one whole side of the bar to myself and my own TV and a row of keg pulls in front of me.

On the other side is a Pats fan. A woman next to him doing the smart phone thing. At the far end of the bar is a specter with a baseball cap on and a hoodie pulled up over the cap, looking straight down the bar, locked in, mesmerized, not looking at the TV's at all. Spooky. I could finally make out long blond hair coming out of one side of the cap. The barkeep fairly often would go talk to her, but she kept staring straight ahead. My scenario is that they were breaking up. The keep said he was pulling for the Giants and he looked like he could be a football fan, but he didn't really look at the game at all and he wasn't busy filling drinks up. He was too busy ?consoling this girl.

Another guy comes in and sits on the other side of the bar. He has a wedding band like me and he looks like his wife could have been watching Downton Abby too. Then another guy with the same M.O.

Then a guy with greasy hair comes in with his son who is about 9 (who is wearing a pork pie hat). He asked the barkeep something and hands over a greasy hand of dirty change that the keep promptly drops into the ice cube well and then starts picking the coins out (gross). The kid goes over and looks at the "Bag A Buck," video game. ?Homeless? Not likely in our hood. Very odd. Not there to watch the game. Why isn't this kid at home getting ready for bed on a school night?

Later a 30 something, dweeby guy with a guitar case (!) walks in and goes over to the small stage they have in there with mics and amps all set up.
What the? The Super Bowl is on and we're going to be treated to the Sunday night gig? All nine of us? Thankfully this did not materialize.

And then the fourth quarter. This must have been agonizing for you. Esp. that last drive for the Pats with two dropped passes in a row. But an entertaining match for those of us without any stake in it.

As you know I am tired of the success of these two teams. I think that is natural if, again, they are not your teams. The Yankees, again? I guess I liked that a team that lost 7 games (I believe) could win the big game. Interesting from a sports psychological point of a team peaking at the right time. Gives other cities hope that their team that lost 7 games could make it to the big game too. (The paper said today that the St. Louis Cardinals this year were 10 games back in Sept. and went on to the Series (I forgot).

But... I am guessing the Packer fans are distraught that their 15-1 team was sitting at home watching. Pats-Packers at their peaks would have been great.
(though each need stouter defenses). Reminds me of a certain other 15-1 team that should have gone to the big game all those years ago.

Hope you're doing okay today. Remember, it's just a stoopeed game. There are much more "real" things in life as you know.

r.

Birthday Crossword Puzzle!

Dickler, Hughes, Frye, Miller, Dix, Rosengarden, and Glassman

No, not the name of a law firm, these are my elementary school teachers from K-6. You can prefix a "Mrs." to all those names, too, as there were no men teaching in the elementary schools back in the 60's. It took me less than a minute to remember all their names. I just had to think back to moments in those classrooms at Fallstaff Elementary (PS 241) in Baltimore, MD.

I won't bore you with those memories - mostly all good :) - but I do suggest that you take a few minutes to remember your elementary school days. I was amazed how many memories I could conjure up, and the longer I spent in the activity, the richer the experience became. It was as if I had pried open an old trunk in an attic, and I was slowly examining its contents.

I tried this with Pimlico Junior High, and was surprised at how little there was to mine. I remembered just a few teachers, and a few moments. Apropos to that, though the school building is still there, it is now a training facility for the BPD.

High school - Baltimore Polytechnic Institute - was a lot better in terms of the number of memories, but they didn't have those warm sepia tones that came with those elementary school memories.

So is my experience a universal one? Do we all keep a bigger store of those first school memories? Is it because those days are filled with a single teacher for an entire year, as opposed to a teacher per subject per semester in junior/middle and high school? Are your elementary memories wrapped in velvet and lit with candles, too?

Blue and gold are our colors
And Fallstaff is our name.
We rate above all others
And will always sing your praise.

We have the finest teachers,
As fine as fine can be.
(There's more, but that's all I remember....)

Target Field hits the the Spot

I've gone to a few baseball games at the Hubert Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis, MN with good friend Ross over the years, and was always amazed at how artificial the experience seemed. We (Ross more than me since he lives in St. Paul) were psyched when we heard the news that the Twins were building a new open-air baseball park (not a stadium, just ask George Carlin). And when we learned Opening Day in the new ballpark was going to be Twin vs Red Sox, we made a pact to be there. Of course, we didn't anticipate the difficulty in getting tickets to that opening series. It was an apparent sellout minutes after the opening bell. But Ross persevered, and when he found out a week later that a block of tickets was made available, he shot online and scored two for the second game of the series - Section 2, row 10, Seats 17 & 18. And I bought a roundtrip ticket to Minneapolis.

I wore my gray Boston away jersey, and Ross was in his replica Tony Oliva home jersey.

We took public transportation to the stadium, and just like Boston, the light rail cars were filled with other fans on their way to the game. I love the familiarity - chatting up strangers: another guy in a Boston jersey, working in Minny, but originally from Hull; a rotisserie player who was bemoaning the fact that his fantasy team had players on both sides including the Sox starter, John Lackey; checking out the myriad of different Twins gear - lots of throwback jerseys, Oliva, Killebrew, Puckett, Hrbek, Carew, and scads of guys and girls in Joe Mauer jerseys. Joe, a hometown lad from St. Paul is the reigning AL MVP and had just signed a long-term contract. He owns this town.

It was a great game to watch. The Sox took an early 2-0 lead, but the Twins came back to knot the game at 2-2. Pedroia hits a solo blast for 3-2 Sox lead. The Twins load the bases in the 7th, but Okajima gets Morneau, the 2008 AL MVP, to pop-up to get out of the inning. The Sox load the bases in the 8th with 2 outs and Hermida empties them with gap double for 6-2 lead. Bard get rocked in the 8th but only gives up 1 run on a Cuddyer home run. Papelbon puts two on in the 9th, and with the tying run at the plate gets Cuddyer on a deep fly to right for the last out and a 6-3 Red Sox win. Box Score

Notes from the game:

• Insecurities run deep. When Morneau was up with 2 down and the bases juiced, I was sure that he's come through with a base knock and a Twins lead. Ross was convinced Okajima would get him out. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Do other fans assume that their teams will succeed in these situations? The only time that happened with me was back in 2004 vs KC - here
  
• There were two 20-somethings in front of us - good, knowledgeable baseball guys - and when I was cheering after Hermida cleared the bases for a 6-2 Sox lead in the 8th, they cautioned my enthusiasm with a very serious, "It's still early"
  
• Dustin Pedroia is a little guy the media guide has him at 5'9", but that's stretching the truth. Up at bat, standing next to 6'5" Mauer, he looks tiny. He's also leading the Sox with 5 home runs and 13 RBI. On one close call, a guy in front of us moaned, ""If he was normal height that would have been a strike!"
  
• Lots of food choices in the new ballpark - Ross had fried cheese curds in a little cardboard canoe, Asian noodles, and a Summit Ale. I bought a soda in souvenir cup and an unsalted pretzel - warm and chewy, but served with some disgusting cheese sauce. I passed on the Walleye on a Stick, and was bummed that I passed a Kettle Corn guy, but didn't buy a bag. He was nowhere to be seen after that. After the game, I grabbed 3 more souvenir cups to make a set of 4 as lots of fans left them in their seatbacks. Another guy near me had a stack of at least 10.
  
• It rained during the middle innings. As Rusty (aka Ross) was quoted in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, "My favorite part? When it started to rain, the home-team fans — albeit briefly — cheered! Outdoor baseball! Rain and all!" - link
  
• Ross also noted that it would take a while for the Twins to have a real home field advantage as they'd never played there before. Later, he wondered aloud, "What the heck are those guys chatting about?" when Youk, on first after a single, and Morneau were deep in conversation.
  
• There was lots of excitement in the park - everybody was happy before, during, and after the game. The park itself is great, though it felt a little vanilla - the curse of being compared to Fenway? The bullpens are a little funky - stacked one behind the other in right center field. The scoreboard is amazing - rich rich colors and super high resolution. And check out Minnie and Paul shaking hands in center field - link.
  
• After the game, everyone in Boston Red Sox garb was my buddy. High fives, tips of the cap, knowing nods - it was fun to be in the minority, but with a shared identity. And, of course, the midwestern Twins fans were totally gracious to their guests.

Finally, there is this. Baseball really is the national pastime. I connected via Chicago going out and St. Louis coming in, and in all four cities - adding Boston and Minneapolis/St. Paul - as the plane descended nearing the airport, the single most obvious and most numerous landmarks were baseball fields. They are everywhere, and that fills me with a little bit of joy.