My daughter Leslie got married exactly one month ago on New Years Eve, and as father of the bride, it was my responsibility to give the first speech of the evening.
As I had written in an earlier draft, Those of you who know me know that I am an introvert and not a practiced public speaker. My family complains that I mumble and speak too softly and they can never understand me, so part of me has been dreading this part of the evening. I also have a bit of OCD, so I've been obsessing about it, too. It’s not a pretty combination.
As daughter Ali suggested, I had practiced aloud many many times, and by the day of the wedding, I was feeling pretty OK, but all during that day, and especially during the dinner, I fretted. I was wearing a tuxedo, though, and it must have given me strength because when I was handed the microphone, all my insecurities fled.
Here's the speech as written.
Hello everyone and welcome. Thank you all for coming here to share in this celebration.
First of all, a big "Thank You" to Kathy and Tom for throwing such a wonderful party last night.
When Eileen and I got married, the wedding party – all 4 of them: Dee, Ita, Ira and friend Bill - and immediate family went out for pizza at Mama Brava's in New Paltz. Times certainly have changed....but that's not what I want to talk about.
Rob suggested talking about how amazing it is that Leslie is our daughter. We’re quiet, modest, some would say, frugal people. And Leslie is LESLIE!!! Quiet? Modest? Frugal!?!?!? But I'm not going to talk about that, either.
I am the father of 4 wonderful daughters, and I love being the father of daughters, but now my eldest daughter has brought me a son. So I remembered back to when another eldest daughter brought home her guy. It was Thanksgiving, 1977, and I took my first trip to Tillson to meet "The Parents". As a Horowitz going to meet the Mullarkeys, I was worried that my “ethnicity” might be a bit of a shock to Kate and Mike, grandma and poppy, but they welcomed me with open arms, and warmth and grace, and have been nothing but kind and good to me for now over 35 years. I am so thankful to them for that, and I hope that Eileen and I can be as warm, and as loving, and as accepting, and as generous, and as helpful to Rob, as Kate and Mike were to me. (Hey, Rob, can I get you a beer?)
Like Rob and Leslie, Eileen and I lived together for a few years before we got married, and so the co-habitation part of marriage was less a shock to the system. But I remember how life was somehow different, deeper. We had just made a lifelong commitment to each other. This was something important - this means something! And it just felt right. I hope Leslie and Rob feel that, too….but that’s not what I want to talk about.
Eileen and I have always viewed each other as equals in our marriage, and I thought I might talk about that - how marriage should be a partnership of equals - that while you need to take care of yourself, you also need to take care of your partner. To make a marriage work, you need to do things that are important to your spouse even if they wouldn't be a choice you would make. And vice-versa. And you can’t keep score. And that's really important...but there’s more.
We had heard about Rob before we met him. There had been a bit of buzz. When we did meet him, in our kitchen, he did seem like one heckuva guy, but the one thing that was immediately obvious to me had nothing really to do with Rob, but everything to do with Leslie. She was just so comfortable with him. Leslie was Leslie. She was feisty and bawdy and opinionated and loud, and she was happy, too. She was in love. And that's what I wanted to talk about. Love.
Love is everything. Let it guide all your decisions. May you count your blessings every day that you have found each other. Here's to Leslie and Rob. I love you both, and I wish you a wonderful life together.
Here's a recording. Friend Ross caught most of the action on his new iPhone.
