My daughter Erica got married one month ago on September 17, 2022. Typically, as father of the bride, it would be my responsibility to give the first speech of the evening. Eileen and I walked Erica down the aisle together, though, so we decided to do the same for the wedding speech.
It actually made it more fun - both in writing (we each wrote separately, then spliced our words together), and in performance (so much easier sharing the stage.) We shared a draft with Leslie and Ali, and they gave us the OK with just a few edits. We practiced aloud many many times, especially on the drive to Philly, then in our hotel, and again on the day of in the hallways of the Bok Building where the wedding took place.
Here's the speech as written - Eileen in bold and me in plain text
* * * * *
Eileen: Hello everyone
Mike: and welcome.
I’d like to start with a trip in the way-back machine, to visit 1999, 10 days before Erica’s 10 year old birthday. It was the first season of “Who wants to be a millionaire” and the first person to win the million, John Carpenter, had breezed through the first 14 questions, and on the last, the million dollar question, he used one of his lifelines, his “phone-a-friend”, to call his dad. Of course, he already knew the answer. He just wanted to share the moment with his Dad. Well, …. tonight, I’m that dad.
Every parent should have an Erica. She was our third daughter and was quieter than her big sisters but always interested in what was going on, easily amused and willing to go along with whatever. She was a kid who never got into trouble. It was a shock when Erica was contrary or misbehaved, so much so that we can tell you every time that happened. There was the time we were in the car coming back from an adventure, and we were trying to decide…
Mike: Eileen???, maybe now’s not the time?
Eileen: Honestly, she pretty much raised herself.
Erica has always been one to trust her smarts and her instincts. She tends not to ask for assistance. Eileen and I have gotten emergency phone calls from all our children, multiple emergency calls, well, from all except Erica. The joke in the family is that we find out about her life choices, where to live, where to work,… after, often, sometimes well after, those choices are decided. But, ….. if we were grading, …. and though we are loath to admit it, sometimes parents do grade, she’s done really really well. Especially now, with this, to my mind, her most important choice.
Erica has never been one to toot her own horn although she is one smart cookie and has many talents, including in music. She had a piano teacher who told us that she was a good singer and recommended voice lessons. We knew she could carry a tune from some of family dinner spontaneous sing alongs,
Mike: (singing) “Can you feel the love…”
Eileen: [giving Mike a death stare]
Mike: (cowed) “tonight??”
We signed her up for voice lessons, and off she went every week. I should mention here that Erica always waited until everyone was out of the house before practicing her music. At the end of the year voice recital, our quiet, little Erica took the stage and belted out “I’ve got the World on a String” with a confidence and style that astounded us both. She was so good. It brought tears to our eyes. Who knew!
Spencer, welcome, now legally, to the family. Truth be told, you’ve already been a member for a long time now. And welcome to Spencer’s family, too. It’s so good to have you all here to finally meet, and to share in this celebration.
Spencer, It has been a pleasure getting to know you. You are a joy, with a wealth of knowledge on all kinds of topics. Your cooking skills and art skills are quite intimidating. We love when you feed us, though, so please keep it up.
At our most recent Fam Jam at Leslie’s and Rob’s place in Maine, I had the pleasure of watching from afar as Spencer prepared a side of asparagus. It wasn’t the main course, and he wasn’t looking for attention. (And I won’t do this justice, but…) He cooked the asparagus in a shallow pan, drained the liquid, took it off the heat, added some stuff to the liquid, then poured that back in the pan, returned everything to the heat, and sautéed that for a bit more while seasoning to taste. It was a busy kitchen, and I doubt anyone else was watching, but I was, and I was just so impressed by his skill and moved by his care.
And, as for your art skills. We’ve played a lot of Drawful with Erica and Spencer. For those who don’t know, this is an online game that gives each person something silly to draw, with your finger, on your phone or iPad. When we play, it’s mostly Spencer being Drawful, and Mike and I being Awful. Though, I must say, we do love playing games with you, and are thankful that you are so patient when you teach these boomers a new game.
Even more important to me than you being a quality human is that I’ve seen how loving and devoted you are to Erica.
I think that Erica knows who Spencer is, and Spencer knows who Erica is, and they’re both good and happy with that. Even more, they’re proud of each other, happy to let the other shine. And it’s that acceptance of each other, as-is, that is so key. It’s the grease that will keep the gears of a marriage running smoothly.
Oh sure, there will be some refining of your personalities as you grow old together, maybe even some personal epiphanies to propel you forward, maybe even some attempts at spouse-training [looks at Mike, Mike shrugs]…
But when you start with a strong stable base, when you love each other for who they are, … and maybe despite who they aren’t, then you’re well prepared for whatever stresses life tosses you. I think, then, you’ve got something. Something truly special.
[Together in unison]
Here's to Erica and Spencer. May you count your blessings every day that you have found each other. We love you both, and we wish you a wonderful life together.
Here's a recording. Once again, dear friend Ross caught the moment on his iPhone.
